Well, what are you gonna do about it then?

I should be thankful as everything seems to be slowly boiling down to the same old broth that my discerning tongue has long been accustomed to.

However, i am not.

...

I miss blogging. I mean, the real, legitimate blogging. Not this type of pathetic personal thoughts publishing. i miss my old template. I miss blogspot. i miss bloghitting other people's blogs. I miss checking my own bloghits. I miss commenting on other people's posts. I miss chatting on my cbox. I miss blogging. I just miss blogging.

I forgot to call Vea after promising to give her a call after i got "some time to breathe." SORRY! But i'll hold myself accountable to tomorrow's dinner-date, okay?

I snapped at someone yesternight when she said something to me which i took as a rude comment. I shouldn't have done that. I thank the heavens that i managed to snap back before i said something worse. Then things would have gone starting to get even more complicated.

I managed to fly by my very first meeting yesterday. I'm very disappointed as the attendee turnout was at the lowest of the low (considering the size of those who i invited). However, i am glad that those who attended, majority of them, actually attended.

Siao Migxz gave me more than what was necessary. I asked him to do his Publications Seminar all over again for the beneifit of my other organization. And he did. Plus, latently, he also gave me the deeply-appreciated morale to push me through it all. Of course, this is just the beginning. No, scratch that, this is only the beginning of the formal beginning. But for whatever it's worth, I'm glad he helped out.

Pengfei is quite the character. I almost always remember the awkward times when i would notice him, but not really to the extent of saying "Hi!" This was like three months ago, when i would refer to him as "Migxz's friend", given i did not know his name. Heck, i even thought he was a Cocjin too! But as of late, Pengfei and Siao Migxz has defined my term. And i'm really glad about that.

This cold is giving me a really hard time. Just this afternoon, Efren crashed by the CSO Office to complete their reporting with Siao Migxz. He unintentionally punched my left arm as he was unaware i was right behind him, reading Balthazar's Marvelous Afternoon. I don't know why, but when he turned and said "Ay, sorry, sorry.", all i could muster was this pathetic "Ay, hindi, sorry, sorry...", as if reverberating what he just said. This is why i hate getting the colds: it slows every aspect of me. I'd rather you give me fever!

Well, as you can see, my days are more or less dashed with the CCS people. Weird, huh?

I gave Richard quite the load kanina. Hindi ko namamalayan, uber dami na pala akong dinelegate sa kanya. I wanna help him out. I really do. Of course, he is my first official CSO friend, eh. And i like thinking na if ever i had to trust somebody from CSO with my life, i'd pick him. Pero the point is, even up to now, nahihiya akong mag-utos. It's just not me. Iba ako with people i have dominion over and with people i call friends. And i prefer that the two division of people be mutually exclusive. Kaya nga lang, imposible na yun with the CSO set-up. Lahat kasi dun, peng yao. Di ba, Jen (na nahawaan na si Clar, Che, at Jami)?!

I missed more than enough classes to last me the entire term already. I need help to stop this madness! Just think: I missed two quizzes already for no apparent reason! WAAAAAAAAAH!

I don't run alone, do I?

Let me start off by stating a little known fact: It takes a lot to make me shout out loud and proud.

IDOL!

-xXx-

Because of TOGETHER
They are an inspiration to the whole world.

-xXx-

meron na kasi akong naiblog kanina. Kaya lang, since dial-up connections are uber unreliable, i lost it all. I complained, saying that i just saw a thousand words go up in a smoke-cloud just like that. But then, complaining got me nothing. So to compensate, hindi ko nalang susubukang i-redo ang blog post ko na iyon, intended to be complementary to my LSDC-Street: Danz Dish III Review. Instead, uulitin ko nalang ang more important part nung premature post na yun.

Congratulations, Efren!

Okay, enough with the kalkalan and the kipay talk!

Three weeks down this term. So far, i have managed to do more things i hate about me than things i would prefer otherwise:

Pengfei and Siao Migxz have given my weeknights, or at least what's left of it (owing to the new lASSalian set-up), a bit of a kick, marring it with hints of High School love talks and a lot of Little Fighting.

Richard and i took on Mr. Co's first offering early this morning: a CBESTA2 Quiz on Parameter Estimation. Cheers to hoping he gets a very good grade and to me, passing!

Reymart. Him i truly am proud of. I didn't know, nor did i imagine he'd be the poet that he is. I mean, of course the Pepsie storyboard was clever enough. But then again, that's just a brain fart. but his Daydreaming stint? Woah. That was clever-er.

Vea, once again, is facing a crisis. Looking back, i think i should have stopped myself from texting her "HAY NAKU! PARANG TANGA LANG!" during the wee hours of the morning. I mean, she's MY Vea. I should've known better.

Peachy and I have seldom talked since graduating from High School. It's like, we feel that there is no need to really, really talk anymore..? I think this is the reason why i felt we slipped apart. We're okay. Wala naman kaming issue. I just figured i should mention her in this post.

Camille. Now, there's your problem right there. I think Camille is angry at me for missing yet another ad lib rendezvous for the third consecutive time. I just can't figure out why i can't find it in me to say "Sorry, but my Camille needs her soul." to people, to make time for her.

Kakay has been particularly sweet this past week. Maybe it's because i missed out on a Tagaytay weekend to make way for FTK '08. The ironic thing about this is, as Kakay seems to warm up to me, the rest of my immediate family seem to go the other way. Haha! Funny how life has its own way to pounce in on you.

I just found out that the BM Department won't be accepting shiftees this term. Or at least not until next term. So i guess i just wasted another P100++ for the shifting forms. Oh well.

(Sir) Santi has done it again! He made me all excited for the next set of LSIG activities! You see, LSIG, i think, is what sets me apart from the rest of the folks up at the CSO Office. It's as if LSIG is my domain. The rest of my co-curriculars i share with them. So that's good. And besides, i get to see the master, (Sir) Santi, again over there. That makes it even better.

Tuo sha to all my Mandarin Instructors/Translators. Tuo sha. Ni hao. Ni hen hao la. I'll make you proud someday.

In more ways than one, Tammy has inculcated in me her legacy. For that, i truly am grateful. I think that's enough said.

I miss the old Genesis. I'm pretty happy with Lui Xiang Jiao, but i prefer Genesis. The one who cuts classes without bordering the dreaded FDA status. The one who goes to class, takes exams and passes each one of them with high-flying colors. The one who takes life on like it ain't a bitch. The one who actually was an AY National Discipline Awardee. The one who is responsible enough to take on the full accountability of his actions. The one who i am no longer a part of...

wow.

so this is what a personal blog must look like.

So, how do we call you, Miss?

Yesterday was yet another fun-filled Friday for me.

For starters, ROTARACT's Remix.

Alongside 7 ROTARACTors and Sir Ivan himself, we went to the Kanlungan sa Er-Ma Center for Street Children for an off-campus socio-civic/outreach activity.

We were slated to help Shayne facilitate a crash course on Taekwondo to the children in the said center. It would have been my first time to go to the ROTARACT-DLSU's partner center.

Everything was set, Shayne was prepared with what have her. Karen was armed with tons of Rubrik's Cubes and Fudgee Bars to be given out as prizes and snacks, respectively. Jasmine, a fellow JR, Sir Ivan, JM, and Marjorie logged-in before departure. Alex came late.

It was a great activity. It would have fostered friendship among the street children and the ROTARACTors, especially the newly appointed JRs, most of which was just oriented about the center a couple of hours, even minutes, before going there. However, we missed out on an essential procedure: we forgot to confirm our venue reservation.

As it turns out, the center was reserved for UP every Friday.

Since wala kaming venue to hold our activity, we were forced to retreat.

To make up for lost time, we ate at Jollibee-Taft were an impromptu meeting was set-up.

That was about it for ROTARACT.

-o0o-

Of course, i planned to come and see Sweeney Todd with a couple of sorely missed Lasallian friends.

However, it was not until late morning of the day itself when i found out that the whole enchilada was called off. This was done, of course, on the count of everybody's skeds were messed up. Yeah, i was with my Lasallian friends alright.

I texted Lyra and begged for a slot to come see the movie, hearing that she was planning on watching the film by herself. She said, in a very curious and odd text, that i could come if i "c it that i come late". Just a few moments later, she clarified that i could come if i "do not come late".

To cut to the chase, i did not go.

I could not go.

So i missed out on her... again.

And trust me when i say this, i wandered too far away so i hurt.

-o0o-

Following the original sked, at 7 in the evening, i was slated to go see my CSO-Lamay-Saturday Group at Red Box for a night-out without any apparent reason to do so.

Kasi nga, hindi na ako nakapunta kay Camille, so i was able to make way for this gimik.

We rode on Chevii's car from Taft to Greenbelt. I was with Alex, Richard and, for the very first time, Donnie and Larraine. We made our way, slowly taking on the wicked Friday-night traffic of Makati-CBD.

We checked-in just in time for the Happy Hour (which i understand runs from 7 to 12). They were hungry. I was starving. We planned to confirm our reservation then eat at a run-off-the-mill resto near-by (as we all faced allowance-budgetting problems). But because of shameless plugging by the receptionists at Red Box, we found ourselves ordering a "good-for-sharing" three viand meal.

Jami (aka Jamie), Binedodz, Jenny and Lionel came before the party officially started.

Everybody sang. And to the surprise of many, Donnie made it his concert.

But the real surprise of the night was that Larraine had nothing in common with her Di-hiya (as far as singing is concerned that is).

It's been a good night.

It's been great.

Excuse me, Miss, your boob is rubbing against my back.

Approximately 27 hours ago, my family (sans Papa, who had to work during the wee hours of the night) went to the majestic PAGCOR Theater to see WANDERS, the acrobats-meet-dancers-meet-singers-meet-circus performers spectaculo which has autonomously dubbed itself as the "Show for the whole family to see!".

It was fantastic.

I have to admit that i wasn't expecting the venue (PAGCOR Main Theater) to be all that as i had a pre-disposition to think of it as the old Duty Free Philippines building. Coming inside, it felt like the PETA Theater. Only bigger. And way better.

The show was quite a feat, aiming to put together some of Asia's distinct acrobatic shows into a 2-hour show, bundling it with some of the countries big stars (including one real big, BIG, BIG star who goes by the name Frenchie Dy). The singers were all competent. The dancers great. The Wander Stars (their own take on Circus Performers [not that it would have been demeaning]) fantabulous.

I was given the opportunity to be with the bobo crowd.

The first thing i said after coming out of the theater was "Aww... marami nang tao sa Souvenir Shop. I want to buy some stuff. Can we go in?"

Then i said "But you promised we'll go after the show..."

Then came "Awww... I wanna buy something to remember the show by pa naman."

But you didn't really need to know that.

What you neede to know was what i said when we were already eating our supper at a popular Chinese fastfood chain.

I said to them, "I liked the show. I mean, hindi siya worth the thousands of pesos you needed to get in, pero it was one of those shows you had to see before you die."

Of course, by this time, everybody else was so tired and weary that they could no longer pay attention to anything i was muttering. So i just blurted out, "The ones who were less applauded were the real good ones."

Just because the people there were watching a relatively expensive show does not necessarily mean that they'll all be prim and proper. I mean, uso rin pala ang cutting of lines with these people?

We got in because of complementary tickets from my uncle. Thank you!

Yeah, right. Whatever.

I'm staying at CSO when i should have been to my LITERA2 class.

It's only the second day of MW classes and yet i am missing it.

That on top of the fact that during the first session, our professor was quick to point out that she takes class attendance very seriously.

The first two days of T3 AY 2007-2008 were marred with me absenting myself from more than half of my fully-loaded, full-loaded schedule.

I despise the 1.5 hour-scheme simply because i hate the idea.

MWF classes works much better on my system.

-xXx-

I have my own Pigeon Hole at La Salle now. It's at SPS 402, to be exact. I am now authorized to grant approval to activities by 37 member organizations, duly recognized by the appropriate administration offices. I am no longer just a Staffer, not that it needs such a precursor [referring to "just", in case you wondered]. I am now accountable for my actions. And I am now somebody who people transact business with.I should be overwhelmed and overjoyed, but i'm not.

I'm having qualms about taking my CSO adventure to the next level.

I'm grateful that i was entrusted with the privilege of becoming the Executive Assistant APS Team Head. Really, i am. Regardless of the fact that it will last only for the next three months. It's just, i dunno if i could still work with the people i have grown to love. Again, it's me talking insecurities as i have developed a keen relationship with this subconscious part of my geist. I dunno if i changed, or if they did, or if all of us did. It's just, it's not the same anymore. Going back to my questions posted somewhere before this, i mentioned a couple of outstanding people in the office i have strong affiliations with. Now, it seems as if i know them no more.

Are these bothersome thoughts the ramifications of missing an impromptu teambuilding?

I committed to some jobs and designated tasks that i probably should have left my nosey little nose out of. There are a lot of important things to be done, and another lot of more important things to do. I managed to drown myself in this whirlpool of organizational commitments that, again, i should have left for the more experienced - and relatively better in more ways than one - team members to do. I know it's a challenge, but the thing is, I dunno if i even want to be up for it.

Must remember that there is no I in TEAM.

I spend more than enough time - so much that it is edging the boundaries of comfort, actually - with you guys that i am lead to believe that we developed this certain bond. Professionalism, teambuilding, work-relationships, call it whatever you want, i consider it a great, great friendship.

I wont even waste a minute of my life to impress the likes of you (with "waste" being the focal word).

-xXx-

This post is - was - written without taking into consideration the capabilities of those who could be - would be - reading the same. Quite frankly, and to put it blatantly, i do not care. Why should i? It's not as if you cared for me when i needed you.

Lyra would be proud of me. This is yet another un-Genesis thing to do. And with all the conviction in the world i dare say it is a significant improvement.

Cross-posting

I often cross-post on my Multiply.

I dunno, Multiply's easier for me to access.

See my Reviews and Blog Post. :)

Gee, thanks.

Greeters as of 00.33 this fine 01.04.08:

1. Peachy
2. Bryan
3. Jen
4. Cha
5. Nicole M.
6. Nicole H.
7. Camille
8. Julie

nyaha!

thanks, thanks. :D

Welcoming 2008 with a bunch o' questions

It is been an hour since 2008 came in here at our quaint town.

And this is my second blog entry here at Multiply.

As awkward and as unnecessary as it is, I am welcoming the new year with queries i've had in my mind over the holiday break.

1.) I want to start blogging again. I really do. But then i can't. i can't seem to find the right time to do so. I can't seem to just begin typing away. Why is that?

2.) I want to entrust someone with my life, again. [READ: Make a male-best friend, as i have two female best friends who i sometimes love more than i love myself.] But i can't. He doesn't pay enough attention to me. Seems he's to busy with his other friends. Was the Holiday Card he gave me invalid? AND I miss my best Lasallian friend. She makes my life happier, even though spending time with her spells me cracking stupid jokes, teasing and irritating her (as it seems i go into this automatic mode, thinking it is the only way i could make her want to stay an hour more) or even spending ridiculous amounts of money over food items i would rather not eat so as not to buffen-up (READ: fatten-up). I want to be as close to her as her two other demonic pals. But i can't. Why?

3.) I want to reach out to my immediate superiors as i want them to form part of my story. But i can't. It seems everytime i reach out, they indirectly push me aside. And everytime they try to connect, i get apprehensive. What do i do?

4.) I want so many things in life. From the minutest of things, such as a brand-spanking new gel pen, to the bigger things, such as a fully-functional phone. It's as if i frustrate myself, intentionally, as i am fully aware that i do not have the proper means to execute such greedy lusts. Why do i do that?

5.) I want to spend time with my best friends. But i can't. Even though i know that V has less than a year to spend with us, should she opt to, I still can't manage to cut a day off from my familial responsibilities to just pig-out over at P's. Why, oh why?

6.) I ain't happy with what is going on with me anymore. I don't like the way i look (well, that's a given). I don't like the way i feel (not that i'm giving in to yet another affectionate pitfall). I don't like the way i do things (SAY: procrastinate, complain, yell, bash). Hell, i don't even like the way i think (this is the fifth draft of my first blog entry for 2008). Why must i punish myself for nothing?

7.) What is wrong with me?!